Discovering Church!

Today was a day all about Church.  We spent over seven hours there today.  We started out with Church and our Lifegroup (Sunday School).  We came home and had lunch and let the boys nap.  We then left again for a four hour class about the church.  It is a requirement in order to join the church so I wanted to finish it before Nick left and I had to take it by myself.  It was actually very informative and we enjoyed it.  It was led by the pastor, who is quite funny.  Nick and I were laughing almost the whole time.  I am really glad our friends encouraged us to go to this church.  I had started to give up that I could find something here that I felt suit me.  I really love our Lifegroup class, the Pastor, the Nursery, the people, and what it has to offer.  I think this all came into my life at the perfect timing.  I now have this extra resource to lean on when I need it the most with Nick leaving.  I am so happy to feel welcome here.  The only negative I learned (which I secretly already knew) was about joining the church.  Baptist believe you cannot join a church unless you have been baptized in full immersion.  When I was thirteen, I was baptized in a Methodist Church, and they sprinkled water on my head.  This would not cut it for my new church so I have to get re-baptized.  This is one thing that I do not really agree with.  I feel as though if I believe I have been baptized that it should not hinder me in joining a church.  I am still trying to find my religion and discover what I really believe.  Nick and I have tried out several different denominations and this has been the first one that we both felt comfortable in.  I went to one church that preached for two hours on how the wife should be submissive to her husband and cannot speak in public about religion rather in private ask her husband for the answers.  We got up and left that service. . . I am really in an exploration phase in my religious journey.  I worked in a church from the time I was thirteen so I missed out on Church and Sunday School growing up.  I feel as though I am behind now.  I need to figure out where I am at and what I want.  I want the boys to grow up in a religious home and have their church as an outlet for them growing up to help deter them from the bad.  Anyways, I think the thing I hate most about having to get re-baptized is doing it in front of everyone.  I am going to be 27 years old with children getting baptized.  I actually don't know if anyone will be with me or not, but still.  I hate public speaking and I feel like this is the most public thing of all.  I would much rather go in by myself than on Sunday morning church in front of hundreds.  I can work myself up into a panic attack just thinking about it.  I know that is stupid and selfish but I do not want to go up in front of everyone.  I don't know how I am suppose to go to church and be soaking wet then go to Lifegroup.  I know these are all stupid thoughts, but I need answers.  I am getting baptized into the Baptist Church on the 18th.  I do know that my very religious Nanny could not be more proud and will be in heaven looking down at me with the biggest smile.  That does make me happy.  Hopefully between now and then, I can get some insight and answers.  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day.