A Sad Day!

I don't want to spend too long on this post because I am still grieving, I don't frankly care what anyone's feelings are on the matter, and I just don't want to talk about it anymore.  As I mentioned, we are moving to Washington, that is a 40+ hour drive.  After that move, we will be moving pretty soon again.  Nick will be deploy-able then or we could be overseas then.  We have come to the decision that if I want to go home for long extended periods of times, the cats do not work with our family anymore.  It is best for everyone involved.  Zoe, our 8 year old cat, does not handle change and does not like anyone but me.  Macie, our 4 year old cat, does better with people but still is pretty finicky.  I have cried all day today.  It was so hard giving them up, but it had to be done.  I gave them to a shelter.  I opted for this, because no one adopts adult cats.  I would rather our cats have a few good years with me then spend the majority of their life in a cage.  Take what you want from that statement, but it makes me happier and feel better that they did have a great life with me.  They are my babies, the only chance of there being other girls in this house.  Base housing in WA makes you go to animal housing, which I do not want to live by all the loud, poopy dogs.  I do love animals but this time in our life we cannot have them.  Moving too much with cats is not good.  I hate that it came to this, but it did.  I am heartbroken, so I cannot take criticism at this time.  I know that I made the right decision and the best decision, but it still hurts so much.  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day.    

The Newest Addiction!

So with much resistance, I finally jumped on the bandwagon.  The Pinterest Bandwagon, that is.  While it can be super addicting, I haven't found myself lost in it like others.  There are lots of cool things to do, make, cook, ideas, etc to look at.  But I guess I have too much on my plate right now, so if it isn't something to help me in the here and now, then I don't need it.  Maybe when my life calms down in a few months I will be living in the fantasy of cooking and crafting all of the time.  But for now I would like to stick with things I know that I will do or help me, not things that I know I would never do.  For instance, I have two separate folders for each of the boys' birthdays.  I figure that is really helpful right now.  I find things that I like and then save them so I can go back later and look through what I really want to do.  Now that part of pinterest is really helpful.  Although I feel like my computer has its own Pinterest set up.  I Google image everything and find what I want, then bookmark the webpage in separate folders depending on what it is for.  It sounds like I should have invented this website, Lord knows I love to be organized!  Up until now, anything I have ever done (craft, party, recipe) I have gotten from Google image.  The funny thing is, is most of the stuff I have done, I have now seen on Pinterest too.  Oh well, we shall see how it goes!  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day!     

A Big Announcement!

Well after a month apart, Nick and I have decided that this is enough.  Nick is miserable living on a barge.  He has a bunk bed, and that is all of his personal space.  If he would have been in a hotel like we thought, I think he would be so much more happy.  But instead he just is awful, and I feel awful for making him be there.  So we have decided the best thing for us, if for me and the boys to move up to Washington.  Now I have no desire to live up there.  I have visited, and yes it is very pretty, I do not see myself living there.  Fortunately, it is for a short time, then the navy will be sending us somewhere else (please San Diego and not Japan!).  Nick and I love to drive around and explore, we do know how to make the best of it.  I feel like we have explored every square inch of NW FL and southern AL.  I know people that don't even leave the county here, much less the state.  We love to find hidden treasures and things to do.  We will be living on base housing and I am scared for that.  I have heard some horror stories, so I hope they are all false.  I did not have the best impression of base housing in FL, so I do hope it can be better.  I know our house will be small.  I know we will be cutting our square footage in at least half.  While I hate this, I can live with this.  I cannot live with a dirty place, moldy place, and everything else I have heard.  So Nick will be flying down here the first part of March to drive back to WA together.  We will drive to Dallas first, spend a few days and have Ashton's birthday party.  We will then drive to Denver and stay with his mom for a few days.  After that we still have around 20 hours so we will need a break then too.  It is over 40 hours of drive time!!  Did I mention we will be pulling a car behind our SUV?  Remember how much Ashton LOVES the car. . . not!!!  I will have the navy packers and movers come probably before Nick does and then they need 16 days to deliver.  I do not know the exact dates, but I hope they are wrong on 16 days.  We put in all the paper work for the move and housing, but have yet to hear anything.  Nick has been wanting me to come up there since pretty much he got there.  I did think we could make it work, but I guess not.  Apparently everyone else thought we would fail, which I don't think I like.  We do have our reasons for being separated, and they start and end with Caden.  He has three more doctor appointments before we move, if anything changes, I will not be moving.  I have stayed behind because of his health and I am sorry if people don't understand that.  Nick knows why we are still here and he understands.  Yes, we miss each other and are only moving together because we want to be together.  Anyways, I decided I could not do anymore after I threw my back out.  It was so much pain that all I could do was cry.  It was then that I realized I needed my husband's help.  I felt like God was hurting me to wake me up and get up to WA.  I have been praying for guidance and I feel like this was my wake up call.  I am sad to be leaving the place that I consider home.  We had our first real house here.  Caden pretty much has grown up here as well as Ashton being born here.  I love the friends I have made through church, especially Sarah.  She has really been the best friend to me I needed.  She has been here for me and I do not know if I will ever find a friend like her again.  We have so much in common it is scary.  I don't really want to find a friend like her, because I don't want to replace her, I just want her to move to CA!!!! (hint hint hint Sarah!!!)  I love that this is the first place that Nick and I agreed on a religion and a church that we both loved.  I love how involved I have become with that church.  I love that Caden loves going to church and school here.  I love how Ashton can socialize in the church, even though I think he cries through most of it! : )  I love how much we have explored here.  I love all the festivals we have been to here.  I love how much I hated it and still believe it is country, but am so sad to say goodbye to it.  I am pretty sure I could have made this two separate posts, but I am sure there will be another goodbye one.  I know I forgetting something important about the move or what I love, but I can't think through the tears.  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day.       

My Sleep Partner!

I have given up the sleep in your own bed battle.  I just let Caden fall asleep in my bed rather than him climbing in my bed in the middle of the night.  The other night after I stayed up way too late making baby shower crafts, I came into my room to this.  He snuck toys in my bed and I don't even know when he did that.  How he is sleeping, is a perfect example of my night and why I don't sleep.  He loves to snuggle and to be touching me, but he doesn't know how to sleep the right direction in bed!  I do love having him in my bed, though.  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day! 

All Boys!

I am absolutely thrilled to announce I will be an aunt again!!!!!!  My little sister is pregnant again, actually 17 weeks pregnant!!  She found out that she is having a BOY!!!!!  Coming from a family of only two girls, I cannot believe we both have two boys!!!  I know that I want one more and I am pretty sure Kelli will try until she has a girl.  So our small little family is going to be huge!!!!  Right now when the baby is born the boys ages will be newborn, 15 months, 22 months, 4 1/2 years old!!!!  It still blows my mind that I have two boys, I cannot believe my baby sister will too.  Family get togethers are going to be crazy and loud in a few years!!  She has the cutest name too, Hudson Michael.  I am so happy!!!  I hope that I will be able to see the little guy when he is still small.  It is going to be a whole other world having to buy plane tickets to go home instead of jumping in the car.  I am sure it will all work out though.  I love you Kelby and thanks for making me an aunt again!!!  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day!

Crafty Lady!

So I have been super busy with baby shower things for my cousin.  I am trying really hard to find new ideas and really cute things.  It is taking up so much time, which I love.  I am keeping myself busy at nights so I can't think about how sad or lonely I am.  I mean it still creeps in there, but not as bad as it could be.  So thank you, Casey, for getting pregnant to distract me! : )  These are half Styrofoam balls covered in crepe paper flowers.  I thought they were very crafty.  They were a little difficult to get the hang of, but now that I made up my own way of doing them, they are easy but time consuming.  I have many more crafty tricks up my sleeve, I can't wait to post shower pictures. . . there has to be some surprises for everyone.  I will say I am not used to pink and I am getting a little tired of pink!  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day!      

Whose Pants??

I know I have entirely too much time on my hands!!  I thought it would be hilarious for some reason to put Ashton's pants on Caden.  I didn't really think it would work, but I should have known with my little shrimp!  Not only could he get them on, we could snap and zip them up too.  So if you have little girls, baby jeans make some pretty cute capris!  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day!

Parental Distraction!!!

 My parents decided that I needed to get out of the house and be distracted, I guess they could sense how sad I have been lately.  My dad and Caden started the morning off golfing.  Which I love my dad does this.  I wish I could sneak pictures of this, but that violates their cute little bonding time.  I don't even know if I would want to attempt the golf course with just Caden, but my dad managed like a pro.  He even took him to McDonald's afterwards to eat and play.  He really is the best G-Dad there is!  My mom, Ash and I shopped around for baby shower stuff and then ate at a new yummy pita place.  After we were all done, in the afternoon we went to the mall.

My dad needed some new clothes and we needed to get out.  So we followed my parents around the mall and it was pretty fun.  The boys both slept the majority of the time, just to wake up at the end.  Caden always loves to do those silly rides in the mall, so we let him.  It was a mini carousal that spun way too fast.  My dad started out holding Ash, then he got dizzy.  My mom then went around till she got dizzy and then I was up.  Problem is, I get dizzy just watching them, so I was no help.  Luckily it ended pretty fast after my turn.  I couldn't believe the boys rode the whole thing and it took all three of us getting dizzy!  We then drove around a bit and ended up at

the water where a huge sail boat was.  They were giving tours so we looked through it all.  Caden was scared because he was convinced it was a pirate ship.  It was pretty funny but first, a story about my silly mom.  She was talking to one of the boat handler worker people, whatever their title is.  And she was small talking about waves, and such.  Then at the end she was like well at least you are so close to the night life (of downtown Pensacola).  He just looked at her funny.  After we got off, my dad informed us that the boat was some sort of religious organization (ahem cult) that goes around witnessing/ recruiting new members.  Needless to say they weren't much into the nightlife or into the pirates.  I laughed so hard, this is just typical my mom.  She is always doing something funny.  Afterwards we went to Olive Garden.  After a little wait we ate some really good food.  Sometimes, they aren't that good, but tonight it was great!!  They boys did awesome and we all ate good.  Of course, Ashton ate the most.  It really was a great day and I laughed so much, thanks mom and dad!  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day! 

Bummed but Hopeful!

I got some somewhat bad news from Nick today. Caden's birthday is February 28th. We were hoping Nick could make his first visit down for Caden's fourth birthday and stay two weeks for Ashton's first birthday on March 11th. We found out today that Nick's advancement test for the Navy is March 1st. So unfortunately he will miss Caden's birthday. I haven't really decided what we are going to do. I am bummed it's not the best days to come but he is still coming, most importantly. Caden might just unknowingly celebrate his birthday late, or have a party late, or just have two birthdays. I cannot decide if I want to go all out or not on a party or just do something in his school. Decisions, decisions. I am happy that Nick is coming but sad my babies are getting old! : ) Post and Carry on with the rest of your day.

Mrs. Independent!

Well my back is still in constant pain, I think I may be dying. My church has a women's only fitness class every Tuesday and Thursday during MDO. I have gone several times and really enjoyed it. While I know I don't need to loose any weight it does feel good to exercise, get healthier, and tone up post two babies. I have gone with my friend or mom in the past but today I was going solo. Even though I have moved my whole life with both my dad and husband's jobs, I am not much of a fan of doing things by myself. I mean I have a million times, but I would prefer to have someone there. So when I realized I would be by myself, I could have stayed home but I decided to get over it. I thought the exercising and stretching would be good for my neck. So even though I was by myself the entire class, I still enjoyed it. This really helped my confidence and showed me I really can do anything by myself. Just call me Mrs. Independence. : ) And if you were wondering, the exercising made my neck so much worse. Oh well! Post and Carry on with the rest of your day.

My Little Monkey!

Instead of having my phone on me, I should start carrying my camera with me.  I am tired of these pictures!  Anyways, this is Ashton's new favorite trick.  That is Caden's playroom with too many tiny pieces toys.  It is Ashton's favorite place to go.  I guess he decided that he could climb, and he did.  I snapped this picture in mid run and tried to get another one but it was too blurry of him actually making it over!!!  Can you believe it??  Luckily, I caught him but I sure wish the picture came out.  He has done this several times now but has never made it fully over again.  I just know that the gate is going to fall over one time...  I am in for it with this one!!  Caden never climbed, not even out of his crib when he was older!!  Wish me luck!  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day! 

My Little Photographer!

I know this is an ugly picture, but it makes me proud.  I have a love of photography and would some day love to pursue it more, but for now I must focus on my children as the subjects.  So why the outlet picture?  Caden has my love of photography.  Or at least loves to take my phone and take a billion pictures.  The other night he took my phone and came back with a picture of every outlet in our house.  I thought it was hilarious and made me smile.  Something I haven't done enough of lately.  He takes pictures of me, of other pictures, anything random.  I love looking at my album on my phone because it is like seeing the progress of Caden's little mind in action.  I think someone needs a camera for their birthday!!  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day!

Down for the Count!

So after not sleeping for the millionth night in a row, I was awoken by Ashton incredibly early in the morning not able to move. Since Caden had managed to find my bed in the middle of the night , I tried to hurry and silence the baby monitor before Caden woke up. Of course he was jumping out of bed with me. . . I love how my boys think 6 am is sleeping in (notice the tone!) Anyways, back on track. I moved so fast that I didn't sense the true pain until I was in Ash's room. My back was so stiff I could not bend or turn. I pinched a nerve in my back a few years ago but this was different. It was not just a stiff neck or sleeping wrong either. I was in so much pain that I was in tears. I had no range of motion and could do nothing. I have no idea what is wrong with me, but I still am in the worst pain ever. Tylenol does nothing, I think I need a chiropractor. My muscles in my neck and upper back are so tense that I cannot even touch them. I spent the day with a heating pad and tried to move as least amount as possible, which is hard with active Ashton. It was hard to stay positive today when I just wanted my husband here. Post and Carry on with the rest of your day.

Mr. Independent!!

Caden has really tried to be more independent in the past few days/weeks.  I do not know if it is because Nick is gone or just an age thing.  Either way, it has been very nice.  He loves to surprise me cleaning his room and make me come oooh ahhh at it.  If only he would want to clean up his playroom, that is the real mess!  Tonight he even wanted to pick out his PJ's and get dressed all on his own.  Now, some of you I am sure have independent children, but Caden is not that.  I am pretty sure I will be tying his shoes in high school!  He likes me there and he wants me to help, I may be babying him, but he is only young for so long.  So tonight when he took the initiative to get ready on his own, I went with it.  He came out of his room like this.  Now these two sets don't go together, but he was happy and that is all that matters!  I thought it was pretty funny that he chose his daddy's favorite shirt too (They made the second round play-offs, but lost today).  It's sad he is growing up but also a good thing, like most things my kids do.  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day. 

Baby Shower Distractions!

 My cousin Casey, whom I have always considered to be more of a sister, is having a baby girl!!  She has a son a few months older than Caden.  While I am super happy for her, I am a little jealous that she is having a girl.  I love my two boys but there is something about a girl that I really want to experience.  Luckily, I can live vicariously through her since I only know  

how to make boys! : ) Anyways, I love to plan parties and showers, so I had to throw her a shower and celebrate her new little bundle!  I used to think I was pretty good at parties, but now after looking   at way too many pictures, I don't know.  Some people are really crafty and just know how to put things together beautifully.  Nevertheless, I am trying to throw a great shower.  I chose an invitation that matched the baby's bedding colors.  And from there I chose to focus on the decor being pink and green circles.  I don't want to give too much away but here is a little taste of it all.  The invite is obviously the example, didn't want to put addresses up online for the crazies!  : )  And these aren't my circles but mine are very similar, just different sizes and colors.  I think they will look really cool.  I hope it all turns out.  I have been making circles forever and now 300 later, I am done!!  I just have to do a diaper cake, some games, and finish up some odds and ends.  I am really pleased with everything and I hope Casey is too.  I really love how much this shower has distracted me from Nick being gone.  I have been consumed with party planning that I don't have time to think about much else, just the way I like it.  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day.  

Just Call Me Martha!

 Martha Stewart was the only crafty person I could think of at that time, I hope that was a good analogy!  So I got a creative bug in me the other night, one of my many sleepless nights and I decided to be crafty.  Yes these are all over Pinterest, but I am not a member, I do not need to be sucked into something else when I have enough going on.  I got this

 from a super creative mom blog, her stuff makes me feel like an inadequate mom, but that's for another post.  I can still get on pinterest without being a member, and get the instructions, so I am not missing much.  Anyways, these are melted crayons!!  I think they look so awesome and I am pretty impressed with myself.  I hot glued crayons

onto a canvas and used a hair dryer to melt them to how I liked.  I think my hair dryer is hotter than most, because it melted the hot glue off, so I had to re-glue them.  I bought one box of crayons and picked colors that looked good together.  Caden picked his out, which didn't surprise me because he loves pink.  I then just free-handed their names with black  paint!  Very simple and very cute.  I am going to put them in the play room next to all of their (mainly Caden's) artwork.  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day.  

A Night-time of Pictures!

  

This was just one night when I realized I hadn't taken enough pictures.  It shows my messy little boy after eating a Nutrigrain Bar (his brother's favorite).  And then the bath that had to come.  I tried to show how long is hair is and his eyelashes are.  I think it is about time for a hair cut!  He loves the bath and is always so happy in there, I hope you can tell that.  He was pretty fussy all day and this was one of the few times that I saw him smile all day.  I think he misses his daddy too!  Once he got out of the bath, I had to show his crazy hair too!  Just a picture post really, I hope you enjoy.  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day!  

10 Months Old!!!

Ashton Kole Evans is 10 months old today!!!  I cannot even believe how fast time is going by.  I am so sad that my baby is growing up, I know why people have litters now, it goes by to fast to enjoy everything.  I really want to start enjoying more of everything instead of being so stressed about all the things going on, but that is easier said than done.  Anyways, where to start.  Ashton is not walking yet but he can cruise around any piece of furniture there is.  He loves to find something (like a basket) to stand up on and push all over the house.  I don't know if he will be walking soon, he seems like he would love to be able to chase Caden around, but I am in no hurry for him to grow up.  He has four teeth now, and loves to bite me to show me.  Ouch!  His last top tooth that came in, has been the worst.  He has been super cranky and of course got another ear infection with it.  The doctor was putting tubes in with the next one, but luckily he is waiting because every other time has been a double ear infection and this was just a single one.  I am not opposed to tubes since he said it is affecting his hearing and that is what happened with Caden which delayed his speech.  I just hate to think about already having to go in for surgery, Caden was two when he went in.  He loves to clap, give a high five, and he blew kisses once but I think it was a fluke.  He loves to shake his head no very fast when you say "No, No, No."  That is probably one of his favorite things.  He loves to dance, any music toy he has, he starts shaking it.  He says "da, da" to almost everything.  But recently says "bye" which I don't think he gets the full meaning of, since we say it but we never actually leave, so I may be part to blame for that.  I think the word he knows most is "bite."  His comes out more like "Bigh" (a longer i sound than his bye).  He says bite when he wants to eat something and in between every bite he takes, I say it and so does he.  I know he gets it because one day this week he said bite and then preceded to bite my arm!  Again Ouch!!  Ashton eats better off of my plate still then baby food.  He will eat non mixed fruits and squash and sweet potatoes.  But he doesn't care for any of the meals or mixed things, which I don't blame him.  If he isn't tired and in a good mood I just give him real food, which he loves.  But if he is tired he will only eat a bottle.  I think he may be a little lazy.  : )  He still would much rather share with me than have his own, even if it is the same exact thing.  Oh well!!  Ashton still hates socks and shoes, good thing he is a Florida baby!  Bath time is his favorite time and diaper changing time is probably one of his least favorite times.  I am sure there is more I should say but I cannot think of anything else.  I hope you enjoyed this, it was pretty fun writing!  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day.     

Bargain Momma!

I am not much on couponing because I do not understand how people save so much money.  I have cut coupons but saving a few cents on something I must buy 2 or 3 of when I only need 1, does not seem that cost efficient to me.  I guess I need a better explanation of it, or Couponing for Dummies.  On one of my mom blogs someone had posted a table set online at JCPenny's for $15.  They said it should say $150, it was a typo error.  In all actuality it should have said $80, so that is a pretty weird typo error.  Anyways, I bought one thinking I couldn't beat the price.  I have always wanted a kid table so I didn't have to have high chairs and my regular table only has 4 chairs.  So I jumped on the deal, thinking that they would have to honor it.  Well I never heard anything else other than it was delayed on shipping, which I think thousands of people tried to buy the typo mistaken table.  Then almost a week later, I received an email stating they were sorry for the incorrect price but they ran out of the tables and I was reimbursed plus given a online only $50 gift card.  Now I am no mathematician but I just got a free $50 to spend, I think I should go on Extreme Couponing with that success story!!  I liked the table, but didn't need it, so it was a win win for me.  Now I must find something to buy with my new gift card!  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day.   

On A Positve Note!

Today has been a really good day.  It started off with good friends and ended with a phone call from my hubby!!!  Once a month, my Sunday School has a mom's bible study class.  It is really to have some quiet time and share our struggles of parenting while still focusing on the bible.  It has been very helpful for me.  And I really enjoy the ladies and their help and advice.  Many of them know about deployments and get what I am going through.  They are all so nice and I truly am thankful to have this in my life right now.  I cry every time I go, but I need to.  This is one place that I feel okay to cry and not be judged for it.  I am trying to be strong, but sometimes you just have to let it out.  We started a new series about struggles both parents face with the kids.  It was hard since it is now just me, but I still learned a lot.  I just got sad for a bit.  But after I let it all out, I felt better and more calm.  Like I am now in a better place and I do not need to cry anymore.  Truth be told it is a week later (because like always I am behind on my blogs) and I haven't cried since that day! I decided then and there to get off the poor poor me train and stay active and positive.  I even made plans with Sarah to join the Wednesday night activities and go to another new parenting class/series/bible study.  I hate being so negative and wish I could just stop.  I think it will take time and training but I think I already have been more positive.  After I finished the class, I went to Sarah's for a minute.  And I finally got the call, my first call from Nick since he left on the boat!!  It was the best call ever!!  My phone said unknown but it was his ring tone, even though he was calling form the ship's phone, it was so strange!  Anyways, Nick seemed pretty miserable but that doesn't fit in with my positive post! : )  We talked for a few minutes and I don't think I have ever felt better.  I spent the rest of the day at home, happy.  And then that night Nick called again and we talked for 20+ minutes before my phone died (always keep your phone charged when your hubby is gone!)  He called back to tell me goodbye and he loved me.  I could not even tell you what we talked about, but it was one of the best conversations we have ever had.  We couldn't stop telling each other we loved each other and I cried, but this time happy tears.  Today has been completely different than the past few days, and I am glad for that.  I am happy that things are turning around.  I hope they continue on this path and that I can continue to stay happy and positive.  I know that I will have my bad days and over whelming days, but I hope they are spaced out and are out weighed by the good ones.  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day!     

Over the Laundry!

So something that never changes in this house is the amount of laundry. I will admit without Nick's uniforms, clothes, and now that Ash's spit up phase is over; the laundry is lessening. I did around 10 loads of laundry after our trip, the illnesses, and Nick packing. I felt that should last awhile, but no such luck! It was time to do laundry again, but this time around it was only 5 loads. Now would you please tell me after 15 loads of laundry and Nick completely packed up and gone, how I am still putting up Nick's clothes?!? It's like our ghost (Gordy) who has moved with us to every house is now putting Nick's clothes in the washer. I guess I should say Gordy the Ghost is a family joke to explain any weird noise or strange thing that happens. I hope I am done with his clothes because it saddens me putting them up. His drawers are almost empty. Our closet has four racks of clothes, we each had two. I combined all of his stuff onto one to make it look better. But now it is way more sad looking because it is so empty. I should probably space my stuff out better. I hate shoes, they are so dirty to me. So as soon as we walk in, we take our shoes off in the shoe basket (I know, creative name). I have not brought myself to put his shoes up yet. I really should because the basket is overflowing and with the crazy Florida weather, winter and summer shoes stay out all winter. It's just these little things that you never think about that make me miss him. I mean everything does but then there is something random that comes around that really makes me miss him even more. Well, I am trying to be better from yesterday, it is still hard but I am trying. Now I should probably go do a load of laundry, I'm sure it is already time! Post and Carry on with the rest of your day!

Bitter, Party of One!

So I would pretty much sum today up as not one of my finer moments.  I have just been in a bad mood.  I feel as though I have the right to be in a bad mood.  But everyone else thinks I should be this strong, emotionless figure that doesn't let anything get to her.  My own husband tells me to be brave and not cry in front of the kids.  Those are generally the last words he tells me on the phone, like I should feel guilty for being sad.  I know that is not his intentions, he just does not want me to cry period because then he feels sad.  But he is telling me this while the kids are awake and it is sad to hear his voice and know I am not there with him.  Yesterday was the last time I was able to talk to him until he pulls into WA.  He is without an email account or calling card because the navy has yet to issue him one, because the Reagan doesn't have their act together.  I do not really care for their excuses, I want to talk to my husband and I cannot.  I feel as though the military needs me to come in and organize and budget their whole business because they are running it horribly.  That might be quite an undertaking, but I definitely cannot do a worse job than they are doing.  So as I pray that Nick gets his issued paperwork, and I will hear from him soon.  So this has made today be a day where I am never an earshot away from my phone.  I have drained the battery on my phone from checking my email so much, but still nothing.  So as I am about to go to bed, I am sad.  I am sad I wasted today being sad.  I hate that I am making the boys miss out on our normal family fun days because I am not into having fun.  This is so much harder than I thought.  I hate that I will have to do things alone, when all I want is to be with my husband.  I hate how guilty I feel for not being with him.  I love everyone for calling and checking on me that first day but I hate that no one is calling me now.  I take back the nights being hard comment, it is hard every possible second.  The weekends are so hard because that was our time as a family.  I didn't see him during the weekdays because of work and nights we were so exhausted.  But this weekend has been so hard.  I hate that I am crying so hard right now.  It has been just over 30 hours without talking, how can I do this for who knows how long.  I hate that I know its only been 30 hours.  Please, Please, Please make this easier.  Please give me the courage to get through this.  Please let me be brave for the boys.  Please don't let the suffer because of our decisions.  Please let them know fun and not sadness.  Please let me stop crying.  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day. 

All Caught Up!

So if you regularly read my blog, you probably could have seen that I took a break from blogging.  I really wanted to enjoy my last days with my husband in stead of being tied down to the computer.  Since he has left, I have been playing catch up.  I got almost a month behind and now in two days I have caught up.  So you can probably tell that the posts have been shorter and some vague since I really could not remember some things.  Which is exactly my point for this blog so I can look back and remember what happened since life is passing by so fast and so out of town family (my hubby included) can stay up to date.  I did keep notes in my phone of what was happening, because I knew that I would be updating the blog and I didn't want to forget cute little things.  I hope to stay on top of everything now, but I cannot promise anything.  I know that I will go back and keep catching up, if that happens again.  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day!   

Work It Out!!!

My church started up a new Aerobics class every Tuesday and Thursday.  Now, most people will hate me for this but I am not much of a work out or eat healthy person.  I have just always been blessed by being skinny.  I know that eventually my metabolism will go so I really need to get the hang of working out.  I enjoy doing it, I just have a hard time staying with something.  I was unsure about the childcare situation but decided to give this class a try on a day that had child care.  Let me tell you, it kicked my booty.  It had three levels and I tried to stay on the advanced side since a 77 year old was beside me doing the beginners, I thought we should not be on the same level.  I really enjoyed it and got a good work out.  And I can already feel the soreness setting in.  They are unsure about the childcare, but I really hope they work it out because I want to work out again!  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day! 

No Sleep For Me!!!

It has almost been a week since Nick left!!  I cannot hardly believe it.  It has gone by so fast and so slow all at the same time!  I am trying to get used to doing everything alone and get our routines going.  But one thing I cannot get used to is sleeping.  I am so used to having Nick there beside me to warm my toes that bedtime has become the hardest for me.  I stay up to late doing nothing because I do not even want to get in bed.  Then once I am in bed, I cannot get to sleep.  I just lay there all night tossing and turning and then morning comes all too early with the boys waking up.  These past few days I have been short and impatient because of lack of sleep.  This is something I should not have with two young boys because I am snappy.  I really hope to get a hold on this quick because I just drag now in the mornings because I am so sleepy.  But I cannot take naps with active Ashton.  Last night I went to bed at 9, the earliest I have gone to bed, pretty much ever.  I just laid there, it did not help in the least.  Help, I am one tired Mommy!!!  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day! 

Why An Allergist?

Today was the day of Caden's second important Doctor's Appointment.  He was to see an allergist after he already saw a GI doctor.  This allergist was less helpful and not very nice either.  He basically had no idea why my pediatrician had referred me to him, which of course I could not answer because I just went to the referrals I was given.  He basically had no idea what was wrong with Caden and did not care to explore what was wrong with him.  He was more interested in Caden taking allergy medicine.  He recommended I get rid of my cats, take out the carpet in the house and get dust mite protectors for the mattresses, blankets and pillows.  This all sounds like good advice but had nothing to do with why I was there.  He did want us to get more blood work done and wrote out the order for that.  The only problem with this is every time Caden has had his blood drawn it was Nick and I both holding him down.  This was just myself.  I was so scared but knew I had to do it.  I hate all of these opportunities to prove I can handle single motherhood.  How about I just say I can handle it and not test me, is that too hard to ask for??  So off to the lab we went were Caden had six little vials drawn.  He screamed bloody murder but luckily me sitting on top of him and an understanding receptionist to help, managed.  He got lots of suckers and had stopped crying by the time they took the blue tie off of his arm, which i think was the main culprit in his pain.  The guy luckily got it in one stick and he didn't even bruise even with all of the moving Caden did.  I hate that Caden is having to go through this.  I am not sure if something is wrong and it is just too small here for doctors to know the answer or if we just got the worst false positive on some tests and we are going through this pain for no reason.  I hope we know soon, because I am tired of doctors saying I don't know.  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day!   

Caden's Birthday Idea!

The other day Caden told me everything he wanted his birthday to be, and I thought it was too funny not to share.  Caden wants the themes of Spiderman, Superman, Fire Truck, Penguins, and Crabs.  I guess I really need to look hard for this theme combo, and I have no idea about the last two.  I know his uncle Penpa would be proud about the penguins.  He wants the food to be pancakes, spaghetti, cookies and donuts.  I love this because it is so Caden.  Add some syrup (his true favorite) and he literally is Buddy the Elf.  He wants his party at a bouncy place with slides and climbing stuff.  He wants presents to be little and big, everything his friend Baylor has and blocks.  He wants keke (my sister), penpa (my bil), coco (my nephew), Kacie, Kacie's Mom and Dad, Baylor, Baylor's Mom and Dad, mommy, daddy, Ashy, Nana, G-dad, grandpa, Mimi, Casey, Drew, Ms. Joyce and Ms. Judy (his teachers), Jordan, all my other friends, and my church teachers to be there.  So if you are reading this people on the list, you saw what Caden wants for his birthday.  I hope I can deliver! : )  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day! 

And for 2012. . .

Of course I want 2012 to be a great year, dare I say the best yet. I am not sure in our current situation if that is possible, but only time will tell. I hope I can slow down and appreciate the small things instead of wanting time to pass fast in order to all be together again. I do want as much family bonding time as possible, family fun days are a must. I want Ashton and Caden to see they have a mommy that loves them and wants the best for them. I hope we figure out what is wrong with Caden and if Ashton needs tubes, they help. I hope the boys excel and have fun. I hope nick and I can grow as a stronger couple with this time apart. I hope nick stays safe and ends up making new friends. I hope he stays focused with school and makes the best of the situation. I hope I continue being less stressed, making the best of situations, and have fun too! There is probably so much I can still say about this year, but in the end it is out of my hands. I hope we can have love, health and happiness. Post and Carry on with the rest of your day.