Ready for Answers!

When I first thought something was wrong with Caden, it was because of his size.  Seeing him compared to the other kids in his class he is just beyond tiny.  I know that people think I am stupid for thinking that, but it is very concerning especially if you look at the recent pictures of his school's Thanksgiving Program.  I noticed that he had a lot of poop and it is weird colors and consistency, TMI.  I was concerned enough to take him to the doctor and I am beyond thankful that I listened to my mommy intuition.  I was able to catch with many tests that his poop tested positive for hemoglobin.  This basically means there is blood in his poop and his doctor doesn't know why.  We are seeing two specialists, a GI and an allergist doctor.  I have had appointments with them both for months and finally going into the GI this Wednesday before Thanksgiving and the allergist on January 3rd.  I have not looked up anything online because I know half of it is false and the other half is the worst case scenario.  With nursing school I already know enough to be scared and I really don't need to fill my head with anymore scary thoughts.  This has really consumed every waking thought I have and I am beyond scared for this day but also ready to hear what is next.  I know this appointment is not going to give me answers but rather the steps to take next, but I am still ready to get the ball moving.  I really just want my baby to feel better.  When I first took him in, Caden never acted sick or like he felt bad.  Now on a daily basis he acts sick, says how bad his stomach hurts, poops more times than I can count, and have spent numerous nights hugging "the bucket."  Most times he doesn't throw up, but he does feel what I can only guess is extremely nauseous.  Even tonight he fell asleep in my lap after spending over an hour with his head in the bucket.  It is one of the most sad and pathetic things to see and makes me feel absolutely horrible.  I have a tremendous amount of guilt right now thinking that it is my fault he is sick, something in our genes made him this way.  But I know I have to stop myself because I do not now what it is yet.  I really hate when I do tell people what is going on that they say he will be alright.  Like this is no big deal.  We don't even know what is going on and you can tell me everything will be okay, really??  His own doctor said this is not normal and something is wrong, but you know it will be okay.  I really hate how not serious people are taking this.  Wednesday is the big day as I said before, the day before Thanksgiving.  Do you know what I will be doing?  I will be by myself with two kids trying to get answers.  I can only hope that Nick will be off in time but he can't promise anything.  As I type this, I am realizing how hurt my feelings really are.  People's lack of sincerity and cooperation is really frustrating right now.  I have bit my tongue for awhile but I am sad that no one is here for me.  I know Nick is trying his hardest, and I hope it works out that he can make it.  What scares me also is that after we get answers with this, Nick won't be here for any other appointment.  He leaves December 27th and then I am by myself.  I really hope I find the strength to get through this because right now I am scared.  I am sorry to piss anyone off with this but my boys come first.  This picture shows how often Caden goes to the bathroom. . . yes he fell asleep.  Post and Carry on with the rest of your day.